I woke up distracted today. Distracted, numb, and bleh. It's just been one of those weeks--the kind of week where you've neglected time in the Word and decided to take the self-sufficient trail. Needless to say, I didn't arrive at school kingdom minded and pumped up for Jesus today.
God is gracious.
I had trudged along all day. Cut cut cut. Sweep sweep sweep. Cut. Sweep. Repeat.
Then a fourteen year old girl sat down in my chair. Hair shop small talk proceeded. Her hair was greasy (I don't do greasy) so I asked if I could wash her hair. Insecurely, she said, "I'm in DCS. We have allowances and I only have $7 left. I can only pay for the cut." *dagger to the heart accepted* "It's on me. I'll wash and style it for you today no charge." I probed her with questions while washing her hair. Questions about her family and background. "Why are you in DCS?" "How long have you been there?" "Do you have foster parents?" "How has it been?"
The daggers kept coming. Her parents left her when she was 11 years old. She made it on her own for 2 months before going to the police station, and she's been with DCS ever since. She was put up for adoption 6 months ago, and she's a broken-hearted mess.
"When was the last time you cut your hair?" I asked.
"Well, it's been a while. The last time it was cut was when I did it. I cut it all off."
"Why did you do that?"
"For attention."
"Did it work?"
"No."
She draws my attention to the alarming number of scars that cover her arm.
"That's what these are for."
I had never seen so many scars on a person's body before. I didn't know what to say. I felt weak. I felt humbled. Despite how I've acted this past week, despite how I've not honored the Lord and not lived as though He's my all, I was reminded that I need Him. The world needs Him. Neglected and wounded 14 year old girls need Him.
"Ya' know, my dad was adopted. He never felt loved growing up. And then He found Jesus. He realized that although his earthly father had neglected him and mistreated him, God loved Him and cherished Him."
"I've never liked church." she said. "How can I be happy when all this has happened to me?"
BOOM. The Problem of Evil. The issue I had discussed and argued all my years at Bryan was now screaming at me in a salon chair. I don't know what I should have said to her, and there are many things I'm sure could have been said, but all I mustered was, "I understand, girl. My dad learned this the hard way, and I've learned it too, but just because God allows bad things to happen to you doesn't mean He doesn't love you."
And THIS is where I surrender everything to the Spirit of God. What I said doesn't make sense. "Ya' know all this painful stuff you've been through? You know this place in life you're in? Yeah. You're there cause God allowed it...And He loves you by the way." Eesh. Truth? I believe so. Hard? Absolutely.
She eventually left, and the only thing I had done was listen to her, sympathize with her, and tell her Jesus loves her and that she can find hope in Him. Would I have loved to see her come to know the Lord right then and there and witness her find freedom and rest in Jesus? YES. But I am NOT the Spirit of God. The phrase "Jesus loves you" can only be truly believed by someone when the Spirit, in His mercy and timing, causes their heart to. I could have said things better, better yet I could have said everything right, but it is the Spirit who brings the dead to life, not me.
I'm thankful for that precious girl I met today. And I am praying for her. Praying that she WOULD find her hope and worth in Jesus Christ, and that God would heal her wounded heart and save her. He is faithful. May we continue to live and share the truth of Jesus' love, all the while clinging to His Spirit and trusting Him to do in peoples' hearts what only He can do.
