I started this blog a little over a year ago. I was just finishing up a summer working with Student Life, doing ministry, and loving it. The summer had been one of the best I had ever had. Seeing kids come to know Jesus, seeing kids find freedom and healing in Jesus, seeing the body of Christ come together for worship and encouragement, spending time with a team who loved Jesus in ways I could only pray to...this was my summer. I was pumped up. I was so encouraged and humbled to be a part of something where the furthering of God's kingdom was visible. "This is what I want to do," I thought to myself. "I'm going to do ministry." My future was unknown, but it was exciting and hopeful.
The summer, like every summer before it, ended, however. I came home, and the "processing life after college" beast, who had been muffled by the hustle and bustle of summer, was finally able to burst from his cage. It was August at this point, and I found myself crying myself to sleep over everyone's favorite life question--"What am I going to do with my life?"
I researched grad schools, I looked for ministry jobs, I looked for non-profit jobs...I was searching for something meaningful. Something I could be proud to say I did.
I got nothin'.
It was almost September at this point, and everyone and their mother told me I should go to beauty school. Blech. I fought the notion as long as I could, but soon realized I couldn't sit around and wait for whatever it was I was hoping for. I had to take a step towards something, and beauty school was the only option it seemed. So I went with it.
I was confused and discouraged, but I was trying my best to trust in the faithfulness of God. I recently found prayers in my journal from around that time. "Lord, if this is where you have me, let me be fully here. You KNOW my heart, and you KNOW I desire to do ministry and not work in a salon. But if this is what you have, give me grace and strength to do it. Cause my heart to TRULY believe, not just profess, that ministry can happen anywhere. Where there's people, there's ministry."
Fast forward a year, and not much has changed. I'm about to graduate beauty school, and I'm waitressing at Applebee's. Circumstantially, life hasn't been exciting in the past year. It's been stressful, lonely, discouraging, heavy, confusing, and down-right ordinary. To top it off, I STILL have no idea what I'm going to do after I graduate. I'm just as clueless in August 2012 as I was in August 2011. But this is okay.
Seriously.
Let's talk about what I HAVE learned. I've learned that God is "intimately acquainted with all my ways," and faithful to walk with me in the mundane, ordinary days. I've learned that if you ask God for opportunities to share the light of His gospel with others, He WILL give them to you. I've learned how to face loneliness, and how to curl up at the feet of Jesus and let Him comfort the lonely heart. I've learned how to pray without ceasing, because some days praying is all you can do to keep from crying. I've learned how to be more honest with the Lord about my desires, hurts, fears, and confusions. I've learned that trust is a day-to-day choice, not a one-time surrender. I've learned that God is more loving and more merciful than I could ever imagine. I've learned more deeply that He truly is sovereign over our plans about the future. I've learned more and more how to enjoy and abide with God in the hard day-to-day struggles. I've tasted and seen how broken the world is, and learned that God is a relentless Redeemer. I've learned how to rest in Jesus amidst a restless schedule.
I could go on and on, but most importantly, I am more in love with Jesus now than I was a year ago. Not because life is peachy. It's not, believe me. But I love Him more because He has shown me more deeply over this past year how much He loves me, and HE IS ENOUGH.
And that, my friends, was worth the struggle.
